Girls Group Begins

i have re-entered the world of middle school girls.

monday was the first day of summer program. it was HECTIC. kids arriving all day long. staff running around trying to start on the right foot. trying to set the tone, lay down the rules. my girls group was subject to the same chaos and last minuteness. i learned that 3 of my 7 girls would not be in the summer program (some had to go to summer school, the to other Florida). and then 1 girl didn't want to be in the girls group anymore(which i'll admit hurt my feelings). But finally, for the last hour of that day I met with my girls.....the 3 I had left. They were very quiet. They weren't as excited as I had hoped they'd be. But I felt hopeful.

next day is tuesday and we find out that the day is being extended from 3pm to 5pm. after some discussion we decide that i should have 2 separate girls groups. one would be from 1pm till 3pm and the other 3pm till 5pm. around 1pm i have a list of girls. 5th and 6th grade girls. "they're so young," i think. "they'll be great!" ohhhhh boy!! these girls were spit-fires. 3 of them were sweet, they wanted to be there, and they weren't challenging me or playing power games. but oh lord the rest! for two hours i battled these girls. i know this language seems strong. especially when its me and some young girls. but i really felt like i was being attacked. they acted like they were on a single-minded mission to make the class difficult. we were supposed to be talking about "popularity and cliques." and the whole time the girls are giving me lip and fighting each other. they seemed to take a stance against everything. most of them didn't answer any question honestly or sincerely. i handed out a survey on self-esteem and under "things you don't like about yourself" would be written "nothing" and under "things you like about yourself" they'd write "everything." things like this seem benign. but they are quite impossible to deal with. i could not force them to participate.

this was/is the ultimate connundrum for me and probably every other teacher/activist/parent on this earth. how do you get someone to care? how can you get someone to understand how something is very important for them in the present and the long run?

in the end 2 of the girls got in a fight. and three had to leave the group

wednesday. the plan changes again. it will be one group after all. as originally planned. i'll have them from 11am-3pm. 3 hours and maybe lunch with them too. it will be the 6th, 7th, and 8th grade girls that were the most reasonable. it was not hard to figure out who would be in the group. the girls that i absolutely could not handle toke themselves out. due to the usual TRUCE chaos, i met with the 7th graders alone and then the 8th graders alone. both groups were wonderful. they participated. we talked. no fights to break up. i didn't have to yell. i only had to discipline a little.

so starting next monday. girls group will be in effect for real. i want to make sure that i am prepared by the end of the weekend. things need to be tweaked. a re-doing of the curriculum with less discussion and more activities, art, and trips. catch me next week to hear more about my adventures.

this week my thoughts have been very consumed by the group and the other TRUCE kids.
thinking about my class. i am sure i misread a lot of the aggression that i thought was being directed at me. the culture, for one, is quite different amongst these kids. yelling and sassing one another seems to be standard fare. additionally, many of the girls were testing each other. especially the newer 5th and 6th graders. they were the most challenging and i think it was because they felt threatened by older girls. all my girls were also feeling me out. testing me perhaps. and i also realize that i was probably taking a lot of things seriously because it was my first time really teaching and being in charge of a group. i was unsure about how strict i should be. i am not certain what is appropriate for the girls to talk about. i don't know what girls that age are usually talking about. should i be more serious in the beginning? or should i start off on a casual, friendly, and trusting note? these were the questions i had and have. also, since i have put so much time and effort into the curriculum and i've spent so much time prepping for and thinking about how girls group might go, i feel protective of what we're doing. i really, strongly want the girls to enjoy and invest in what were talking about and so any shows of indifference and boredom from them, i feel deeply. luckily, in terms of discipline, the girls drew the lines for themselves. i did not have to worry about whether i would start strict or sweet because some of the girls were so difficult right off the bat, that i had to break out my disciplinarian self immediately. in a way, this has been a blessing in disguise. as someone who was raised by non-disciplinarian parents, and someone who feels uncomfortable drawing lines and telling people what they cannot do....its for the best that i was forced into the role.

speaking of discipline, i really feel for lauren. she is working with the large 8th grade group. i sat in on some of their programs and they are rough. it continues to shock me over and over again how often and to what degree all us staff must discipline the kids. and i continue to be surprised by how little respect and fear some of these kids have for authority. i thought that my experiences working at MacCormick and Lansing would prepare me, but the atmosphere at those facilities was way more subdued and controlled than the atmosphere at TRUCE. of course i could NEVER compare the two. TRUCE is a safe and loving environment filled with staff who are endlessly surprisingly me by the grace with which they deal with some of the kids. and the STAFF. they are great. i could write an entirely new blog entry about the amazing staff and their unique approaches to dealing with kids. marisa, is crazy and wonderful and always herself and she throws that at the kids and they don't even know what to do. paul will be serious. julie will joke but also lay down the rules. aziz, has a method all his own....military, karate discipline. and it works so well! i carefully watch the staff and what they do and how kids react. differect methods work on different kids. but in the end i realize the most important things are to not take things personally, to be confident in yourself, and to discipline but try not to get mad.